Miscarriage support is unbelievably hard to find. Miscarriages are the dark secret most mamas don’t talk about, which is both heartbreaking and unfair. They’re not caused by anything we did or did not do, but it’s still taboo to talk about them. Even if you have friends or family who are willing to talk about it, they may not know what to say or how to say it. Half the time, you don’t feel like talking anyway. I know I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry and pretend the world didn’t exist for a while. The whole world felt like it was full of babies and pregnant women and I just wanted to hide from it all. Thankfully, I found a few books that could help me grieve and figure out where my head was at without ever having to leave my bed.
The truth is, finding something that doesn’t remind you of how badly you’re hurting, but still tackles that pain, is tough. These books made a world of difference for me. They dealt with what I was feeling (and forced me to deal with it, too), while sharing enough personal stories that it reminded me I wasn’t alone. Alone is a feeling you feel a lot when you’re surrounded by social media that seems to be filled with pregnant women and newborn pictures (I talk about how I deal with that in this post) so finding stories and journal entries that make you feel less alone is important. It’s also important that you not feel judged, whether this is a loss before being blessed with a baby or while waiting for your second or fifth or fifteenth. Some friends are amazing at that, and then others are not (read this post for why you should never apologize for wanting more kiddos while dealing with secondary infertility). Books don’t judge where you’re at in your journey. They just help you heal.
Knowing which resources are truly helpful when you do a search for miscarriage support on Amazon is hard, but I hope that these give you a head start in the right direction for healing and maybe even some growth as you cope with losing your sweet baby. Please know that I’m here if you need someone to talk to, vent to, or cry with. No one should go through this alone.
Miscarriage Support: The Books That Got Me Through
- Grieving the Child I Never Knew by Kathe Wunnenberg: This book is written by a woman who has lost her child, so she knows how you’re feeling. Each devotional has thought-provoking questions that will help you identify your feelings and work through them, as well as Scripture. The best part of this book, for me, was the devotionals that were specific to holidays or special occasions, which are often the hardest days of the year for me.
- After Miscarriage: A Catholic Woman’s Companion to Healing and Hope by Karen Edmisten: Specific to the Catholic faith, but definitely universal in its passages and thought processes, the author does an amazing job of sharing her own personal journal (she’s has multiple miscarriages herself) as well as other women’s stories so no woman feels alone in their reaction to losing a baby. It’s not sugar-coated, but it is real and raw and everything I needed. “Companion” is the perfect word for this book.
- Joy Comes in the Morning: Coloring through Infant Loss and Miscarriage by Lauren Bourne: There have been studies that show that coloring actually relaxes you as much as some medicines. It lets you escape in a mindless activity that gives you a pretty result at the end. This book is full of gorgeous pages to color with personal notes and Scripture on the backs of the pages to inspire you and comfort you. Grab yourself some of my favorite pens for this and start healing through the magic of coloring. I know, it sounds ridiculous, but just try it– you might be surprised.
- Miscarriage Mom: The Unspoken Realities of Miscarriage and How to Cope by Kristy Parisi: With space to jot down notes, this feels more like a how-to book for how to make it through a loss. Her husband helped to write it (including an entire section by him, for your husband) so you get the perspective of both Mama AND Daddy, which is unique in this genre. It includes topics like going back to work, dealing with other people’s reactions, your husband’s side of things, and honoring your baby. This one is an easy read, which I liked because I could go back and reference it as things came up in my life.
- Anchored: A Bible Study for Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss by Erin Cushman: Every chapter of this book is filled with Scripture to anchor you to your faith and prove God’s faithfulness in your life by showing you His faithfulness in the stories of women included in this Bible Study. It would be a great choice for a Bible Study small group, or even just one with a couple of friends, to process your grief and remind yourself that there’s something bigger than you out there.